Time To Set Free

Oh boy, literally. Ha so I know I've had boy troubles before but come on. This is getting a bit out of hand :[

Many of you know aout Duncan, and if you don't, feel free to ask. Me and him had an "unofficial" relationship. He recently in the past few weeks broke up with his boyfriend of two years and I have known him for a long time. Long story short, we started talking talking and I fell for him. I had a little thing for him when I first met him but of course he was taken.

I let myself fall for him which I should have know by now was not a smart idea. We took things very slow because we both really really wanted it to work out.

We talked like this for about 2 or 3 weeks and it was really good. I was happy and didn't feel so down about life anymore and I got the comment that he brought out the best in me.

I really liked him; we both really connected pretty well and my life actually started seeming normal for a change.

haha here is the bad part :/

He told me he thinks we are better as friends, and that he can't see us being anymore.
I feel kinda used, hurt, and led on. It may not have been on purpose, but doesn't make it hurt anyless.

Now i don't know what is going on but this happened right when his ex boyyfriend got out of his rehab. They are spending time together and apparently they are talking, don't wnat a relationship, but if things happen they happen or whatever he said.

Don't tell me I'll meet someone amazing in the future. Yea, it is something to look forward to but that is the future. I want fun experiences now. A fun, long lasting, loving, intamite relationship is what I want to ccome from getting to know my boyfriend if I like him.

Oh well...All I can do is move one...

Decisions, Decisions

Naturally, as a part of life, people in this world have to make decisions. It's just something no one can avoid whether they are small and somewhat pointless, or huge and life-altering.

Once again, I have been faced with a difficult decison that is killing both me, and two other people. I hate hurting these people because I love them in everyway that counts, but I just can not wait too much longer. I am hurting as well; its kiling me and i just wish i could get away.

Decision making can be something very hard to figure out, but you have to understand you have to follow your heart, and do what is best for yourself, no matter who you hurt. I'm not saying hurting someone is ok but SOMETIMES, you have to do it to be happy.

Making a decision is something that should be decided only by you, and not by someone else. But sometimes getting another person's opinion and hhearing what they have to say helps. Just don't forget they will most likely not see it they way you do, and do not have all the facts.

It isn't the easiest thing to do, but in the end if all doesnt work out, you still have all the people around you that love you.

You have to fight through the tough times to get to the good times and
doing so will only make you stronger as a person. Don't give up!!! :-)

Superstar Supper

So, just like last year and the many years before, drama had its annual hamburger dinner.

The dinner was at 5 and the cast of Jesus Christ Superstar performed a teaser in the auditorium at 7.

It was a big success and I'm proud of the cast and everyone else involved.

I would post pictures but I have none; sorry.

Tickets ARE on sale!

Go reserve your tickets for opening night or any other night.

Just contact me, or any other person involved with the music,

or just contact Boonville High School

Jesus Christ Superstart

Boonville High School Thespian Troupe #950 did an EXCELLENT job with Damn Yankees last Spring.

This year, we are performing the musical, Jesus Christ Superstar. Like I said in a previous blog, I got the part of an Apostle. Judy a few days aago gave the Apostles without names a name for this one scene. My name has been declared as John.

Our show has been coming along AMAZING. The dancing is great, and so is the singing. We have made it through the first act and working on a few of the numbers in the second act.

Opening night is Thursday, April 22 at 7PM and continues Friday and Saturday, April 23 & 24 at 7PM and Sunday, April 25 at 2PM

Below is a video from JCS 2000 version. Its one of my favorite scenes

Its Alright, Its Ok

After everything that has happened from the tears, pain, and uncontrollable mixed feelings, I'm finally doing better. After realizing some things and some intense thinking, I feel alot better. No, it doesnt take away the pain but it does help. So do some other things that I can't really explain to you.

So this post is very short, I know. But i just wanted you to know that I'm surviving.
No boi, or anyone, is going to ruin my life. I am who I am and nothings going to take that away from me.

I Wanna Disappear

You know how when you kiss someone, you either feel something or you dont, but if you do, you want that kiss more and more? Or that you just want to stay in the position you are in forever?

I fell for him. He was my everything and I was his. We connected, we shared something, and we were so special. After everything Ive been through, I never expected to find someone and let alone fall for someone so soon.
I wasnt IN LOVE I dont think, but I did love him. He might not have loved me yet, but I know his feelings toward me were strong. There was passion, emotion, and truth. I saw it in his eyes and I felt something strong everytime I dazed into those sparkling eyes.
I know I say I feel something with a lot of people but this was a different something. It was better, I was happier, and it was real. I had never felt so beautiful, so flawless, so perfect because he made me feel that way.

I could honestly go on for hours, telling you how I feel, but it doesnt matter anymore...

its over...

the feelings died he said...

I dont know if I believe tht or not, but it still hurts like a bitch. Oh and if it makes things better, he is dating my ex now, Tyler. You know how much that KILLS me? I was so furious, so hurt, so upset when I found out. Oh and SO confused!!!! I didnt understand anything anymore. I also lost some self esteem too. I dont feel so attractive anymore, or like Im a good person at all. I feel that Im stupid, not good at anything, a "backup plan", and just overall misunderstood.

Not a day goes by Im not thinking of him and all the little things he did that I loved. All the memories flood my mind constantly and wont stop for a split second. Its so hard not to just break down and cry when Im out. Everything in this world reminds me of him and Im not even kidding.

I just dont understand...
How he can give up on us like that. How he could just drop me like that. He says he doesnt feel anything for me anymore but I dont believe that one bit. He is coming up with excuses because he is infatuated by Tyler.

____________________________________

ABOUT A MONTH LATER

___________________________________________________________

Well, lets just say with Tyler's help, I have learned more about him and well, its been interesting. Im not gonna discuss it but turns out, I'm kinda glad we are over. I see who he really is, and I can't believe I fell for it, and for him.

He hurt me, but that has just made me stronger, and smarter. It's gonna be tough to be with someone, but I know I can do it.

The past, is in the past...

=]

What Hurts the Most

Its not the greatest thing in the world when your ex, someone you truely love, calls you a monwhore. OH, and tells you that you are desperate, to leave them alone and go off and fuck everyone I see like I prolly do, and continue to have phone sex with all these guys I talk to that are long distance, and to just completly leave them the fuck alone that they are sick of you and dont care. Finally to top it off, they never wanna speak to you again.

Yea, it hurts,

so much...

='[

Welcome 2010

ITS HERE!!!!

:]

Happy New Year

So, for 2010 I have a few resolutions I would love to hold on to. These include:

• Possibly starting my music career
• Live up life as much as I possiby can
• Get to know this certain someone better
• Work harder in school

I am SO excited for new things to come this year. new experiences, people, relationships, friendships, memories, and just about anything life has to throw at me.

2009 was a year I will never forget. Many first times and changes have came out of the past year. I learned alot about myself, and I also learned a lot about life and love.

I wish everyone ouut there in this crazy world another year to remember!!!

PEACE xD

A Pretty Picture

A Fresh Start

Well, I apoligive for not updating this thing like I said I would.
I kinda got caught up in other things.

Hmmm well

Not too much is different.

Me and Cain broke up, cause of distance. But it is all good cause we still talk as really good friends. Its great :]

Auditions for the musical were in December, before winter break. I got the part of an Apostle, I'm pretty juiced for that!!!!

Christmas stopped by again; imagine that! I got some gift cards and with that I bought some pretty cool clothes. I also got a laptop, which was the best of them all!

That's really all I have to say for now. I pretty much just woke up so I'm tired as hell and I kinda have a headache.

ill post later, promise xD