I Wanna Disappear

You know how when you kiss someone, you either feel something or you dont, but if you do, you want that kiss more and more? Or that you just want to stay in the position you are in forever?

I fell for him. He was my everything and I was his. We connected, we shared something, and we were so special. After everything Ive been through, I never expected to find someone and let alone fall for someone so soon.
I wasnt IN LOVE I dont think, but I did love him. He might not have loved me yet, but I know his feelings toward me were strong. There was passion, emotion, and truth. I saw it in his eyes and I felt something strong everytime I dazed into those sparkling eyes.
I know I say I feel something with a lot of people but this was a different something. It was better, I was happier, and it was real. I had never felt so beautiful, so flawless, so perfect because he made me feel that way.

I could honestly go on for hours, telling you how I feel, but it doesnt matter anymore...

its over...

the feelings died he said...

I dont know if I believe tht or not, but it still hurts like a bitch. Oh and if it makes things better, he is dating my ex now, Tyler. You know how much that KILLS me? I was so furious, so hurt, so upset when I found out. Oh and SO confused!!!! I didnt understand anything anymore. I also lost some self esteem too. I dont feel so attractive anymore, or like Im a good person at all. I feel that Im stupid, not good at anything, a "backup plan", and just overall misunderstood.

Not a day goes by Im not thinking of him and all the little things he did that I loved. All the memories flood my mind constantly and wont stop for a split second. Its so hard not to just break down and cry when Im out. Everything in this world reminds me of him and Im not even kidding.

I just dont understand...
How he can give up on us like that. How he could just drop me like that. He says he doesnt feel anything for me anymore but I dont believe that one bit. He is coming up with excuses because he is infatuated by Tyler.

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ABOUT A MONTH LATER

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Well, lets just say with Tyler's help, I have learned more about him and well, its been interesting. Im not gonna discuss it but turns out, I'm kinda glad we are over. I see who he really is, and I can't believe I fell for it, and for him.

He hurt me, but that has just made me stronger, and smarter. It's gonna be tough to be with someone, but I know I can do it.

The past, is in the past...

=]

Who's Got The Pain?

yea that would be me.

A SHARP PAIN

Okay so yea today after school we had drama rehearsal right. Well we got to the song Two Lost Souls and in the song, I have to carry Stevie on my back on all fours. Well, I landed really hard on the floor and landed wrong on my dick. I got up and was like holy shit, and was like dancing around in pain and stuff. It hurt really bad, like even worse than getting kicked there like 10 times by a girl in high heels!

I didn't think I would ever let go of my crotch. I was doing this like all day.

Sorry bout the nakedness, but this is like exactly what I did, even when I got home. And as of right now, my dick still hurts!

MR. VILE

Wow, Mr. Vile! I swear I love this guy. I can talk to him about anything. If you don't know him, he is the band director at BHS. He is so down to earth with everyone and understands what teens these days are going through. That's what I like about him. He knows about my father situation and he has offered himself to help me in anyway and anytime i needed it. He is such a great person and I would love to have him as my dad.
I just wanted to let everyone know that he is a truly amazing man. I would love to explain more but words just don't descibe him in the ways that he is.