One Door Shut, Two More Open.

     Yes, this shall be my last post on this Blog.  Make sure you check out the new one I have made and follow up on it.  There will be a lot more posts and suff so check out.  So hit that shit up >.<

     So on Sunday, December 26, I had Christmas at my Mom's house.  Everyone was there in the family, nd al the little rugrats.  We ate, wrestled, played video games, and just had a blast.  The food, of course, was my favorite part!

    So recently I have made some really cool new friend.  They are guys but THANK GOD the are straight.  I'm tired of all the drama from gay friends.  Their names are Jake J. and Brad N.  I added Brad sometime in December and Jakey added me shortly after.  They are both best friends with each other.  They sing and are totally amazing at it!  So hopefully I will be spending New Years with the niggahs!

     I guess I shuld think of some New Years Resolutions.  I hadn't really thought about this until now so here we go:

1. Figure out what college i want to attend
2. Get a job and make some serious money
3. Create as many memories as posible
4. NOT let boys get to me
5. To learn and do more things

     Yeah, that all seems good :D

     I hope you all have a wondeful and safe New Years!! 

Don't drink and drive! Stupid :]

Metamorphosis: It's Beginning

About precisely two hours ago, Christmas of 2010 had ended.  It was definatly a "less-celebrated' year for me, but I kind of felt that Christmas magic they talk about on the TV and such.  So the big question is, "What did you get Dusty!?"
Well, I got a big stocking full of reindeer dropping! Nah, just kidding. I got a laptop charger, finally, and a new cell phone.

I'm pretty sure you could've guessed the laptop charger, considering I'm making another post.  I promise I will get all the latest events, news, and photos up as soon as I can.

Also, coming in 2011, I am creating a new blog.  Metamorphosis <----Link
I'm at a point in my life where, hopefully i can explain this right, things just don't seem how they should be anymore.  Everything is getting old.  Grr, I'm so afriad I'm not getting the right point across. I'll do my best to keep this short and sweet to keep from you all thinking crazy assumptions.
I need a change.  A BIG change.  The life I'm living right now, it's OK.  That is the problem.  It's JUST OK.  I need a new start, new scenes, new adventures. I feel completely held back here.  I feel different from everyone else around where I'm from, and I am really starting to notice it.  Maybe I'm just, crazy, but this is starting to get unbearable.  Or maybe there is a deeper meaning? Who really knows.

So, to end this blog, I'd like wish everyone a happy and safe Christmas.  I hope Santa Clause gave you what you all deserve ; ]

Stay Beautiful

HoHoHo

I would like to start off by saying... SLOW DESKTOPS NEED TO DIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!
I quite enjoyed the fast speed of my laptop, but when the charger broke I had to start using this desktop.  It has been MONTHS since I have used my laptop.  This desktop I am on is old, terribly slow, and just needs replaced.  Period.

So that is basically why I have not posted in decades :]

So, just to make this simple and sweet for right now since I am still on my desktop, I'll just give you the basics on what is new:

• Marching Band went really well this year.  We didn't make it to state but had an outstanding show.  On the night that I got to direct at South Spencer I did really great as well; of course. ; )
• I got a lead role in the fall play Dracula. I played Dr. Thomas Seward.  This season was just a blast and the show was so good!  My favorite one yet!
• I performed in my first theatre atrs class's Christmas play.  This years was called Trial of Santa.  I played the part of Rudolph
• D.R.A.M.A.!! 
• I finally turned 17!!!!!  Even though I feel like I should've been turning 18.
• I earned my first solo in the Band Winter Concert
• I danced to part of a song in the Back To School Variety Show

And there is a lot more coming :D

But 'till I get my laptop, I can't really do much on here without my computer freezing.  

So take care and happy holidays! 

<(^_^<) (>^_^)>

Hey guys! I just figured out how to use this from my phone. There will be posts up soon. I lost access to my laptop so Ive had to use my desktop. Talk toya soon

3rd Annual Celebrity Dinner 2010

The 3rd Annual Evansville Celebrity Dinner was held Sunday, July 11 from 6-9 PM.  This is a fundraiser for the Tri-State AIDS Holiday Project, and all proceeds go towards the purchase of
grocery store gift cards for over 350 low-income households impacted by HIV/AIDS throughout the Tri-State. A variety of local political leaders and media personalities serve as waiters at the event, there is a meal and a musical performance, and a charity auction.
 
 
 

This was the very first celebrity dinner I have attended.  I sure did have to look hard for a ride there.  My mom ended up going to Holiday World and my aunt was working.  Luckily though, I found a ride at the very last minute.  Katie Fisher thankfully gave me a ride.  When I arrived it was absolutly gorgeous.  It reminded me of a wedding.  The food was pretty good, but it wasn't the best.  I sat at the table with the TSA youth group so it was a lot of fun :D  The waitors made a lot of money on tips;  over $1,000!!

 
 

So overall, I would say it was succesful and I am very pleased I got to be a part of this event and do something to help.  I am very much looking forward to attending next year  ^_^

It's Getting Closer

I have a few things I'de love to share with you lovely people :D

    Summer is ALMOST over!  Well for me and many other band kids at Boonville it is.  Band camp starts up again June 19.  Sadly, it's June 2.  I'm excited for marching band I'm just not excited for summer to be over with yet.  There is still so much I wanna do!

    I finally got my car!! Well, sorta.  It's a white '99 Chevy Cavalier.  It is a pretty nice car and it has a sunroof.  So I am pretty happy with it  My aunt needed a new car because it was getting hard to afford her van.  So she was gonna get another car and trade in her van or something like that.  Well for something quicker, she decided to go ahead and get the car my mom was paying for from my sister and brother-in-law and use it for a while.  So as of now, we share the car.  I can't even drive it yet because she doesn't have my name on the insurance.  Which is a huge bummer, and is like a major tease with it being in the driveway and not being able to drive it!  Hopefully my aunt or mom will be able to add my name this next week.  it's all about the money baby!

     I was totally and completely wrong about what was going on between me and Jacob.  I thought you know, maybe he does care about me.  That he had to feel some kind of connection since i was feeling a huge connection that I couldn't even explain.  I had such a deep desire and passion for him.  It was pretty much impossible to hide.  Especially when I would be talking to him.  All those little things that were so big to me that I thought were the same to him, probably was never there for him.  There was so much to him that I just easy loved and fell for.  The whole entire time I should've listened to Chris and James.  I finally confronted Jacob about my feelings.  I told him I understood that he recently got out of a relationship and that he didn't want to be with anyone or was slightly interested.  I knew he didn't want to think about boys at all.  Then I asked him that besides that, is there anything there for me?  Do you like me at all; is there any hope for me?  And I asked if i should wait for him.  He told me that he wasn't sure if he liked me, and that it probably isn't a good idea to wait.  Then later I asked if he really wasn't sure.  I just wanted the dead beat truth.  So he told me he didn't like me, but wasn't sure if its cause of what went on or not.  By that point I was already fighting tears.  I couldnt really ask much more becuase I was using my aunt's cell and it was wasting minutes.  Looks like I'm going to have to accept friendship.  I never felt so humiliated or stupid.  At least we are friends; I'm not gonna complain too much :P.

     I have dreamed of auditioning for American Idol for a long time now.  Now is the year I am eligable, but I'm starting to have doubts if that is what I really want to do.  I mean I enjoy singing but I'm not sure if that is really what I want to do.  Besides I don't think it would be worth spending money to take a trip to auditions for if I'm not interested.  I have until June 19th to decide. 

     Some things I am looking forward to in the next few months are enjoying my last few days of summer, marching band, the marchathon, gay day at holiday world, and surprisingly school.  I have a feeling this school year is gonna be a big one.

Makeover

So, I wanted a new look right?  Well this is the result form my 'experiment' at Alex's house.  I also had on eye liner but took it off before I got home. 

I might just stick with this look, becuase i really like it.  My only problem is I need a straightener.

Chicago Pride Twenty[10]

CHICAGO PRIDE WAS AMAZING!

     Sunday, June 27, 2010 at 4AM a nice handful of people got on the coach bus for the trip to Chicago.  It had stopped at Owensburo first to pick up a few people from there.  Then it made its wat to Evansville

     Saturday night, when i had planned on getting ready at Alex's house like I mentioned in my other post, had totally failed on me and everything screwed up.  Alex's sister went into labor.  So she had to be at the hospital all day.  Thus, leaving me to do my hair and stuff.  Luckily I was with Chris Brace that night and he had a straightener.  We ended up making it look somewhat good but the bad part is we were going to a party and his boyfriend's friend's house.  This was about at 10PM where it's still somewhat hot and now all the bugs are out, and of course, we were outside. 

     My hair started curling up from the sweat and I had bug spray on so no more mosquitoes would bite me.  It was awful and I felt disgusting.  I wasn't going to be able to clean up either becuase we were going straight to the bus after the party.  By that point I was pretty upset cause i really wanted to look good and make really good impressions.

     Me and Chris arrived at the hotel where the bus was picking us up at about three when it was suppose to be there.  Apparently, the owner got it confused and thought they were suppose to be at Owensburo by three.  The bus then wouldn't be at Evansville until four.  So we had to wait for about an hour till the bus actually got here.

     Once we got on the bus, everyone noticed it was hot and humid, and that not very much air was blwoing out of the vents.  The air conditioner wasn't working right.  So we all had to sit on a hot and humid bus for the whole trip up there.  yea, that made my looks even better!  By that point I just gave up.  I didn't care anymore.  I was just ready to get to Chicago.

     Chicago overall was so beautiful and the pride was queertastic!  There were so many people, lots of color and unique hair and outfits.  Many guys in there underwear, which was REALLY hot.  It was just such a good time being in an environment like that.  It is something I will never forget and I look forward to going again next year.  Hopefully my friends and I can take a road trip up there and spend a night up in Chicago and be there for pride. 

     When it was time to leave, the bus's AC had not yet been fixed.  So Wally bought us all Starbucks and we waited around while someone came to fix it.  It took a couple of hours but I think it was worth it to have AC.  It felt a lot better going home.  I even slept fine on the bus.  I had not slept since I woke up Saturday morning.  Yeah, I was exhausted, but the whole trip was worth it! 

Makeover Experiment

  Alright, I have been talking about a new look for some time now.  Being as Owensburo and Chicago pride are this weekend, i decided I wanted to look sexy, hot, and absolutly stunning.  I wanted a new look that would catch people's eye.  I also wanted to impress Jacob, and show him that I'm not just another guy.

  I went over to Alex Roberson's house after we had lunch at El Magueys.  At lunch we discussed thigns such as our lifes and what I wanted to do for my "new look".
  When we arrived at her house, we got started right away.  Alex started on my hair, straightening it.  After it was straightened we just kinda played with it for a while.  We weren't really getting anywhere at that point.  So we both went outside for a while to look for some pictures on her phone for better hairstyle ideas. 
  So we went back inside and just kinda played again and somehow, we found a really good look.  It was so cute :D 
 
  Next was makeup.  Nothing big, just eye makeup on the top and bottom.  She put the eye liner on and also put on this beautiful silver stuff that had glitter in it.  It was perfect <3

  After that was all finished I finally brought up the idea of shaving my legs.  She was all for it and gladly did it for me.  It took a while but it was totally worth it.  My legs are now soft and smooth.  You know someone is your true friend when they shave your legs that haven't been shaved for 16 years xP  She even went all the way up to my butt :] haha

  When we were finished, i felt SO sexy, so hot, and just, breath taking.  It was such an amazing feeling.  That is definatly the look I am going to be using for Chicago.

 Chicago, prepare yourself, I will be walking the streets with my new, stunning looks xDD  I am definatly going to make some jaws drop

TSA Car Wash

  Ok, So TSA's car was wasn't that fun, or revealing, but we did have an amazing time washing cars for a donation to the group.  The car was was held on Sunday, June 5, 2010
 
  Me and Jacob J headed for the car wash at about 9 to make it there by 10.  It was a nice, hot, beautiful day to was cars.  Once we got to the location of the car wash, we waited for the others to arrive.  It lasted till about 1 PM.  We washed plenty of cars and made a good amount of money from donations.

  I got a 'little' wet and sunburnt, but that's ok.  It was worth it I would say :DD

TSA Pride Picnic 2010

  This past Saturday, June 6 2010, TSA (Tri State Alliance) held there 31st Anuual Pride Picnic.  It was held at Burdette Park in Evansville in one of the clubhouses.  They had a live singer, food, volleyball, games, and a good time.

  It was a blast going to my first pride event.  The people were so nice and funny, the food was really good and cheap, and they couldn't have picked a better day to have it, even though i was already sunburnt from the car wash the day before.  I went with my good friend Jacob J and ended up hanging with Amanda B.  I love them both so very much<3


  The next events coming up for TSA is the celebrity dinner and Chicago pride trip.  I'm not sure about the dinner but I am definatly going on the Chicago trip.  There is also an Owensburo pride the day before the Chicago pride.  It will definatly be an exhausting weekend!

Jesus Christ Superstar

So, Boonville High School's Thesbian Troupe #950 did its production of "Jesus Christ Superstar". It was a big success and sold out 3 of the 4 showings. Boonville has sold out for a musical since "Grease" which was 13 years ago.

On opening night, near the end of the song "Everything's Alright," a breaker blew and the pit had lost their power. Things didn't get fixed for a while but we did a good job of improving between songs while we waited. According to many, they didn't even notice that wasn't part of the show.

Overall, it was an amazing perfomance all four nights, and I am really gratefull I got to be a part of the cast in this amazing show. Below is a slideshow of some pictures taken by parents.

Enjoy :)

Time To Set Free

Oh boy, literally. Ha so I know I've had boy troubles before but come on. This is getting a bit out of hand :[

Many of you know aout Duncan, and if you don't, feel free to ask. Me and him had an "unofficial" relationship. He recently in the past few weeks broke up with his boyfriend of two years and I have known him for a long time. Long story short, we started talking talking and I fell for him. I had a little thing for him when I first met him but of course he was taken.

I let myself fall for him which I should have know by now was not a smart idea. We took things very slow because we both really really wanted it to work out.

We talked like this for about 2 or 3 weeks and it was really good. I was happy and didn't feel so down about life anymore and I got the comment that he brought out the best in me.

I really liked him; we both really connected pretty well and my life actually started seeming normal for a change.

haha here is the bad part :/

He told me he thinks we are better as friends, and that he can't see us being anymore.
I feel kinda used, hurt, and led on. It may not have been on purpose, but doesn't make it hurt anyless.

Now i don't know what is going on but this happened right when his ex boyyfriend got out of his rehab. They are spending time together and apparently they are talking, don't wnat a relationship, but if things happen they happen or whatever he said.

Don't tell me I'll meet someone amazing in the future. Yea, it is something to look forward to but that is the future. I want fun experiences now. A fun, long lasting, loving, intamite relationship is what I want to ccome from getting to know my boyfriend if I like him.

Oh well...All I can do is move one...

Decisions, Decisions

Naturally, as a part of life, people in this world have to make decisions. It's just something no one can avoid whether they are small and somewhat pointless, or huge and life-altering.

Once again, I have been faced with a difficult decison that is killing both me, and two other people. I hate hurting these people because I love them in everyway that counts, but I just can not wait too much longer. I am hurting as well; its kiling me and i just wish i could get away.

Decision making can be something very hard to figure out, but you have to understand you have to follow your heart, and do what is best for yourself, no matter who you hurt. I'm not saying hurting someone is ok but SOMETIMES, you have to do it to be happy.

Making a decision is something that should be decided only by you, and not by someone else. But sometimes getting another person's opinion and hhearing what they have to say helps. Just don't forget they will most likely not see it they way you do, and do not have all the facts.

It isn't the easiest thing to do, but in the end if all doesnt work out, you still have all the people around you that love you.

You have to fight through the tough times to get to the good times and
doing so will only make you stronger as a person. Don't give up!!! :-)

Superstar Supper

So, just like last year and the many years before, drama had its annual hamburger dinner.

The dinner was at 5 and the cast of Jesus Christ Superstar performed a teaser in the auditorium at 7.

It was a big success and I'm proud of the cast and everyone else involved.

I would post pictures but I have none; sorry.

Tickets ARE on sale!

Go reserve your tickets for opening night or any other night.

Just contact me, or any other person involved with the music,

or just contact Boonville High School

Jesus Christ Superstart

Boonville High School Thespian Troupe #950 did an EXCELLENT job with Damn Yankees last Spring.

This year, we are performing the musical, Jesus Christ Superstar. Like I said in a previous blog, I got the part of an Apostle. Judy a few days aago gave the Apostles without names a name for this one scene. My name has been declared as John.

Our show has been coming along AMAZING. The dancing is great, and so is the singing. We have made it through the first act and working on a few of the numbers in the second act.

Opening night is Thursday, April 22 at 7PM and continues Friday and Saturday, April 23 & 24 at 7PM and Sunday, April 25 at 2PM

Below is a video from JCS 2000 version. Its one of my favorite scenes

Its Alright, Its Ok

After everything that has happened from the tears, pain, and uncontrollable mixed feelings, I'm finally doing better. After realizing some things and some intense thinking, I feel alot better. No, it doesnt take away the pain but it does help. So do some other things that I can't really explain to you.

So this post is very short, I know. But i just wanted you to know that I'm surviving.
No boi, or anyone, is going to ruin my life. I am who I am and nothings going to take that away from me.

I Wanna Disappear

You know how when you kiss someone, you either feel something or you dont, but if you do, you want that kiss more and more? Or that you just want to stay in the position you are in forever?

I fell for him. He was my everything and I was his. We connected, we shared something, and we were so special. After everything Ive been through, I never expected to find someone and let alone fall for someone so soon.
I wasnt IN LOVE I dont think, but I did love him. He might not have loved me yet, but I know his feelings toward me were strong. There was passion, emotion, and truth. I saw it in his eyes and I felt something strong everytime I dazed into those sparkling eyes.
I know I say I feel something with a lot of people but this was a different something. It was better, I was happier, and it was real. I had never felt so beautiful, so flawless, so perfect because he made me feel that way.

I could honestly go on for hours, telling you how I feel, but it doesnt matter anymore...

its over...

the feelings died he said...

I dont know if I believe tht or not, but it still hurts like a bitch. Oh and if it makes things better, he is dating my ex now, Tyler. You know how much that KILLS me? I was so furious, so hurt, so upset when I found out. Oh and SO confused!!!! I didnt understand anything anymore. I also lost some self esteem too. I dont feel so attractive anymore, or like Im a good person at all. I feel that Im stupid, not good at anything, a "backup plan", and just overall misunderstood.

Not a day goes by Im not thinking of him and all the little things he did that I loved. All the memories flood my mind constantly and wont stop for a split second. Its so hard not to just break down and cry when Im out. Everything in this world reminds me of him and Im not even kidding.

I just dont understand...
How he can give up on us like that. How he could just drop me like that. He says he doesnt feel anything for me anymore but I dont believe that one bit. He is coming up with excuses because he is infatuated by Tyler.

____________________________________

ABOUT A MONTH LATER

___________________________________________________________

Well, lets just say with Tyler's help, I have learned more about him and well, its been interesting. Im not gonna discuss it but turns out, I'm kinda glad we are over. I see who he really is, and I can't believe I fell for it, and for him.

He hurt me, but that has just made me stronger, and smarter. It's gonna be tough to be with someone, but I know I can do it.

The past, is in the past...

=]

What Hurts the Most

Its not the greatest thing in the world when your ex, someone you truely love, calls you a monwhore. OH, and tells you that you are desperate, to leave them alone and go off and fuck everyone I see like I prolly do, and continue to have phone sex with all these guys I talk to that are long distance, and to just completly leave them the fuck alone that they are sick of you and dont care. Finally to top it off, they never wanna speak to you again.

Yea, it hurts,

so much...

='[