First Step Forward

If you have read my last blog, you know that I am trying my best to move on and I have found someone really amazing to do so with!

He thinks we are perfect for each other and I totally think I agree.

Don't think that I'm just saying that, or that I am saying it just cause I'm dating someone. I really mean it.

His name is Cain (Kane) Brad George Heuftle, isn't his name unique??? =]
We met on myspace, of course lol, but I don't know he made me feel like I could fall for someone again. I really loved all we had in common and was shocked by how quick I have gotten to know him. The only thing that wasn't perfect was that he lived in Nebraska, about 13 hours away but we have a couple of plans to meet this year and summer.

Gahh is voice is so so so so cute and soft, unless he is haha uhmm being dirty =]. He is very gorgeous and has an amazing smile. He is a real fun to talk to and I'm looking forward to what we can lead to be in the future.

I found someone who loves me the same way as I love them. Someone whom they constantly miss and want to be with so much. Someone who can not resist themselves from me and would just kiss me every chance they could.

Cain Brad and Dustin Ray

8.22.09

Cute huh?
=]
<3333333333333

Waiting in the cold

All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around.
I've been giving out chances every time and all you do is let me down.
And its taken me this long but baby I figured you out.
And your thinking we'll be fine again but not this time around.

You're looking so innocent I might believe you if I didn't know.
Could've loved you all my life if you hadn't left me waiting in the cold.
And you got your share of secrets and I'm tired of being last to know.
And now you're asking me to listen 'cause its worked each time before

You had me crawling for you honey and it never would have gone away, no
You you to shine so bright but all of it fade.

You don't have to call, anymore.
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last, straw.
Don't wanna hurt anymore. (There's nothing left to beg for)
And you can tell me that you're sorry,
but I don't believe you baby like I did, before
You're not sorry, no no oh

Ever have a moment where you think that life couldn't get any better than what you have?

Ever love somebody so much that you were just insanely crazy about someone and they were the only person you wanted?

Ever have all of that change in a few simple sentences?

Tyler and I, are over, its through, end of story.
He called one night crying, telling me he asked out Jessica but he didn't want to date her. He also told me he kissed her but it meant nothing. I totally understood that then and told me he was going to try and end it as soon as he could and that he still loved me so very much.
He spent more and more time with her, and less with me. That caused him to start liking her. When I heard that I didn't want to believe but I knew that things were starting to change, and they did. I began losing someone I needed so much in my life and thought I would never lose.
He loves her now and we barely speak, he could care less about me. If he does, he never shows it.

It was so hard to handle, especially after we had just got to an amazing point in a relationship. I thought I finally knew who I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I'm crying now just typing this it still hurts and they have been together since 7/25.

I couldn't believe I lost someone I loved again to someone else, especially now that I knew I was in love. We fought so hard to get where we were and now its all gone.

I relive every moment in my head and I break down. There is not a second I wonder, what if I would have tried and made things different, or, was all this my fault? I lost myself in all of this and didn't think I could move on. I wanna wake up again and feel beautiful and everythings ok.



Now I'm trying everything I possibly can to move on cause I know he could care less about me and would never love me the way I loved him.
I still love him and have hardcore feelings for him but I have to let that go, with time of course, but I found someone who helps get my mind off of him a bit and he is a really sweet guy.

I just don't see how Tyler gave up on me so easily if he loved me like he said he did.

Well all we will ever be is good friends and I guess I see that now.
But some part of me will always have some feelings for him